How to handle difficult conversations in the workplace
Have you been putting off having difficult conversations at work? Perhaps you need to talk to an employee about their lacking performance or resolve an issue between your team members. Or maybe it’s not a planned conversation at all, and someone is suddenly being angry or abrupt with you and you need to be able to react quickly and in a professional manner.
Everyone has their reasons for avoiding difficult conversations. Perhaps you’re worried about losing the friendships you have with your team members, or maybe you don’t want to be seen as the ‘bad guy.’ Perhaps you’re concerned about other people’s feelings getting hurt, or you simply get tongue tied and are not sure what to say, or even where to begin.
Whatever the case, when you’re in charge, you’re the one that needs to resolve issues. These conversations can’t be avoided without consequences. To truly succeed as a leader or manager, it’s important to take ownership of your role as an arbiter and facilitator, and handle difficult conversations with respect and maturity.
Planned and unplanned conversations
Difficult conversations will fall into the categories of planned and unplanned conversations. While some forward planning is ideal when heading into unknown territory, you may often find yourself having to deal with some conflict that was sprung on you and that you are completely unprepared for. Either way, as much as you may want to avoid conflict or upsetting someone, having difficult conversations is an inevitable part of leadership and management.
Often, especially in the case of unplanned conversations, our initial tendency may be to become defensive and overuse the word ‘no’. It’s very easy to want to stick to your opinion and try to ‘win’ the argument, but if that’s how you always do it, are you really winning in the long term? What might that way of behaving be doing to your employee, client, or colleague and the relationship you have with them? Over time, you will end up being seen as the difficult one, as unreasonable and unapproachable, and people will lose respect for you. Not the best outcome!
Instead, try framing your conversations around more of a mutual acceptance of each other’s view or opinion, whereby you let the other person know that they have been heard, and you can also add your perspective into the mix. For example, instead of saying ‘no, this is actually what happened’, you could say ‘yes, I see how you’ve come to that conclusion, let me share with you my experience with that situation.’ The latter option has a much better chance of letting the other person know their words were taken on board and their feelings heard, and they should be much more likely to listen to what you have to add.
What happens when we avoid difficult conversations?
When we avoid having difficult conversations it can drastically affect the entire workplace – in a negative way. Most issues within the workplace don’t just resolve themselves. Left unmanaged, they can lead to underperformance, loss of morale, resentment, more conflict, lack of focus and productivity, and an increase in staff turnover. A study by AHRI found that 47% of people believed that effective management and leadership is the best way to retain them, closely followed by a positive workplace culture. You owe it to your team to appropriately handle difficult conversations and conflict, or you risk losing them altogether. For a deeper look into retaining your best people, check out this blog post.
How to handle difficult conversations with ease
What is your current go-to reaction when an issue arises in your workplace? Is it dread? Panic? Worry? All of the above? Well fear not! There are some simple steps you can take to help you handle both planned and unplanned difficult conversations and resolve conflicts.
Be calm and collected
It is important to lead the conversation calmly and steadily. The way in which you hold yourself, the tone of voice you use, and your mannerisms will all contribute greatly to the outcome of your difficult conversation. Being as centred and calm as possible will help keep you on track to a positive result.
Choose the right environment to talk in
Having difficult conversations in your office while you sit at your desk can be quite overbearing. A better choice would be to meet in an office meeting room, at the cafeteria or even go outside and make it a walking meeting – the fresh air and change of scenery can help to open people up to new ideas.
Make your intentions clear
Let your employee know ahead of time that you’d like to have a talk about x, y, or z and ask them what time suits them. This will mean you’ve given some ownership to the employee and it won’t feel as intimidating going in. By locking in a time and place to chat, it also gives you time to prepare and organise. When the meeting begins, don’t take time for small talk as it can steer away from the topic at hand, just try to get straight into it.
Figure out your objective
Long before the conversation is to take place, you need to know what you want to accomplish, and your desired outcome. You’ll also need to consider that there will be new facts presented during the conversation, but knowing where you stand as much as possible beforehand will help guide you through.
Be curious and show acknowledgement
Start the conversation with a mindset of inquiry. Don’t lay blame, judgement or point the finger, as this will undo any of the positive groundwork and your meeting will likely turn sour. Be open to hearing what the employee has to say, and try to listen to their point of view and story before jumping in with solutions. In doing so, ensure that you are acknowledging the feelings of your employee, warranted or not. It doesn’t mean you agree with everything that they are saying, but if they are being open with you it’s important to encourage that through active listening and by respecting their views.
Be consistent
As hard as it may be, you need to do your best to remain objective, fair and consistent when it comes to your management and leadership approach, and especially when it comes to your responses and solutions to problems in the workplace. You don’t want to seem as though you’re favouring one employee over another, or giving any special treatment based on outside relationships.
Encourage input
Make sure the employee is part of the analysis of the situation and in providing solutions. Again, you want to give them some ownership of this and let them feel part of the process. Often you’ll find that your employees can come up with a wider array of solutions than you can, simply because they are in a different position with different perspectives.
Ideally, you want to reach a level of understanding and agreement between you and the employee. You might like to write up a plan of action and book in a time to meet again to follow up and discuss any progress. Ensure that the employee is comfortable enough with the outcome and that they know to approach you with any questions or concerns.
Remember, when difficult conversations are handled promptly, and desired outcomes are achieved, it can mean a huge improvement in your employee happiness and engagement levels, leading to an efficient and productive workplace.
Need more guidance?
Many people find that they need a little help developing these much needed skills. Executive coaching can help you evolve your ability to handle difficult conversations and conflict resolution more effectively. Check out our recent blog post to see how else coaching can benefit you.
If you would like an obligation free discussion on how executive coaching can prepare you to effectively handle difficult conversations, contact us today.